a neat magic trick

i came to his room and he was dancing to music.
then taking his clothes off
dancing with abandon as if in a trance.
then strobe.
then african women,
people in animal costumes, lions, monkeys, in front of my face.
then when the song ended, he was standing before me fully clothed.

i left.
when i got to the bart, there were the african dancers, and people dressed as lions
they wouldn't/didn't talk to me.
they rode on my train, and then got off at my stop and followed me home. they stopped at my corner and just watched me.
i turned and looked at them as i put the key into the door.
when i opened the door, they were there.
my friend appeared and said, "neat trick huh?"
yes. it was. the people left with him. they were chanting/singing and walking down the street in a choreographed way.

Geton, Getoff & Getout... that's why they call it the Geto...

i used to hate driving throught he geto and havin' some slow geto urchin cross the street in front of me.
half the time they don't even look at you.
they just cross, walkin' all slow and not lookin' at traffic or nothin'.
well, now, i love to slow down.
it reminds me to be loving.
to see a black person in the street, i stop. or i slow way down. more than i need to. i just want to let them know how much i treasure them. how much i love them, it's like would you try to run down a peacock with his plummage fully extended?
a black person is at least as beatiful as a peacock, and been through a whole lot more shit too.

Don’t miss!

"Getomeo & Getuliette
Star cross’ted lovers"

"Geton, Getoff & Getout..
That’s why they call it the Geto."

almost fully reconstructed the path....

the greatest accomplishments of mankind, have occurred first within the human mind.
to unlock the power of the imagination, is to unlock the greatest power that humans have.

There is no need to think of alchemy, or magic, or sorcery, or witchcraft.. the sober mind, focused, like a laser, upon contemplations, puzzles, or, looking upon the mundane in a new way, is the most awesome power within the universe of all that we are conscious of.

Goethe quote on providence matched with the oft quoted truth that what one can conceive and believe, they can achieve, summarizes the unlimited power of the mind.

There are many ways of conjuring deep thoughts, yet, increasingly, the ability to not think, so that one can not miss the inherent wisdom as it springs up, seems to be a far greater ability.

Perhaps in this, we also have found the limit of artificial intelligence. a computer can gather facts, filter facts, it may even "think", but can it "not think" and in some way divine interconnections of deeply resonant truths derived from a culmination of experience, mood and receptivity? perhaps, but i doubt that the meaning of such derivations will be as meaningful, if for the simple fact that the meaning an individual derives from divining their own truth, is in the quality of their individual experience.. and for artificial intelligence, this meaning is meaningless, for their intelligence and the value of their insights is in the significance of the truths they Divine for something, as told something, and there is no self from which the product of this contemplation can resonate with. Indeed, the human is of something rather different. at the same time a creation, always evolving. whereas a creation is complete unto itself, yet, there is no "self" and so, the inner experience is a known quantity, and end product. nothing being switched on or off.

if a computer did "think" it would be because of what hadn't been anticipated. there is the threat of real thought. that seeing as this creation is created with the same magical reality as humans, be it non-organic, it is a part of our existence just the same. perhaps we can get to a point where we can derive spontaneity through plumbing the truth of randomness to an extend beyond our intention and is receptive to the vicissitudes of existence in the same way as us.

perhaps.

In any event, god forbid that we begin to program machines to have our "deep thoughts" for us... I think human writings, as cold and dead, albeit beautiful and prosaic, are more than sufficient to fill the void produced by those who are incapable of producing good ideas.

the imagination conjures the "thought", and let us think of how beautiful this is. when we look at a Rorschach drawing, we can not help but to see something. For those who have done LSD, it's impossible to look a sky filled with clouds, without marveling at the coincidence, that just today, the day you are on LSD, the sky would produce every cloud with a image as clear and distinct and meaningful, identifiable and deeply personal and emotionally and intellectually relevant, as if a personal cadre of your own special effects workers had created these clouds to your unknown, yet obvious specifications.

This same imagination, has the ability to conjure on the deepest of conscious, unconscious and collective conscious levels, all manners of ideas and connections both inane, glib, potent, destructive and astoundingly spiritually resonant.. or anything else that the imagination is known for.

no stone unturned in life, in reality, in experience, in history, in dream, in abstraction, in anything... and at times, many times, at all times, all of the above, to the pleasure of it's happening.

there are many tools on both sides of the equation to further ones understanding of this "light" art of mind thought-reality creation.

to enhance the mind there is meditation, the 8-fold path, yoga, cleansing, chanting, ritual...
to enhance ones ability to transform reality there exist art, books, teachers, master's, writings, artistic creations, apprenticeships, disciple hood, education, universities, research...

and so we have the pathway to thought
and we have the pathway to action
and there must be a firm way to ground us to that path, unshakable, intransigent, stubborn, determined, to that final conclusion.

even with it stated here clearly, plainly, it is beyond the ability of many to conjure. it is beyond the ability of many to reconcile the truth of ones own power such that an idea that is identified is achieved.. the problem is not that it can't be achieved, rather it has yet to be conceived, or believed. or, there has been no marriage of desire and intent.

yes, one can expend immeasurable effort in the achieving, after having conceived and believed, but if you have not asked for that ideas hand in marriage. if you are not a good mate, if you are not in love for the right reasons, or your love is a superficial romance then you have not married the thought. you have only had a lusty fling, or some other relationship unbecoming such a divine mate.

or you have convinced yourself to believe that which was not true. so once again, your conceiving and believing are flawed, as will be your achieving.. or your achieving will be the product of your belief, and so, leave you still wanting.. this is the essence of what is referred to as the noble truth of suffering within the sickness of desire.

but having correctly conjured, believed and wed, then one still must have discipline, ethics, commitment, loyalty, dedication, reasoning, deduction, analytical ability, strategy, receptivity, tenacity, creativity..

for no problem is solved once, it is either solved continuously, for to make a thought into reality, is to have ones very practice be the vibration of that solution. as that solutions embodies the person and the person embodies the solution, becoming one, indistinguishable...

in this way, humans create pathways to any and every destination. no destination off-limits, no destination untrod. and almost all destination not only of our choosing, but of our creation.

gorilla racism

Osho, Roots & Wings, Fifth Talk, Pg. 186

"People come to me and ask:
If we meditate, what will happen?
What will be the result?

Remember, meditation can never be result-oriented.
You will simply meditate, that's all.
Everything happens, but it will not be a result.
If you are seeking the result,
nothing will happen.
Meditation will be useless

When you seek a result, it is the mind;
when you don't seek a result, it is meditation.

Don't ask for the result.
Don't say:
What will happen?
If you think about what will happen,
you cannot meditate.

The mind goes on thinking about the result.
it cannot be here and now;
it is always in the future.
You are meditating and thinking:
When will the happiness come?
it has not come yet.

If you forget the result completely,
if there is not even a flicker in the mind
for the result,
not a single vibration moving into the future -
when you have become a silent pool, here and now -
everything happens...

For the mind,
the present is always sacrificed for the future,
and the future does not exist.

In meditation, the whole process is reversed.
The future is sacrificed for the present;
that which is not
is sacrificed for that which is.

There is no result, no conclusion."

Strategic Integration into a New Occupational Setting

I'm going about this new job quite differently.
The goal is to not disturb anyone and for the first good long while i'm there, for hardly anyone to know that there has been a change. It will be as if something good has been consumed and is fulfilling and rewarding and makes the body feel well taken care of.
Actually, my real goal is to hold my anxieties in check, to hold my need to "do something" in check, to not respond to any need to "demonstrate" anything, to be calm, to focus on our mission and absorb that which is there to be absorbed, as it is there to be absorbed.
All of the nuts and bolts are inconsequential. As they always are.
The system, will be learned.
if the devil is in the details, then I will leave him to it.
We will make our realm in another location.
It seems to be particularly productive to gently envision the inherent possibilities of the situation, while continuing to contemplate the human mind and condition, so as to solve the riddle of how to heal, in the hear/now, while engaging other to engage with one another.
It can not be stressed how disinterested I am in reading P&P, or studying up on forms, or procedures or how things are routed. it's about humans. communicating with them, working with them, inspiring them, helping them to evolve and change.
All of that stuff that is around and must be done and is in the drawers and cabinets and boxes is "in aid of", it is not the point, nor should it take up much of our time or focus.
Strip the whole world down, and all you have is a bunch of humans trying to live, love, raise and survive.

A Simple Balance...

Here is a simple meditation.

enter into your position and your meditation as you normally would.

then, from the moment you become comfortable, let your intent be to find a single meaningful moment of clarity and purity.
it is difficult to achieve, yet, the wild fluctuations that can occur within meditations are neutralized as a retarding element, because it makes no difference how clouded your mind was for however long it was clouded during your meditation, because your focus was only to have a meaningful moment of clarity while noticing ones breath.

it's as if a disturbed pond is bombarded by random disturbances of leaves, bugs, wind, fish, animals, dust... and yet, due to the fact that such activity is random, there is the possibility that for a meaningful moment, the disturbances will cease, the waters will still and the surface will become glassy as the bottom comes into a clear view.

so, your meditation may be only a few minutes, or 15 or 50 minutes or even longer. you may find that you fall in love with being blown upon the winds of your consciousness as you are in an ever deepening state of receptivity to a state of peace... or perhaps, you will gradually calm, but never completely calm the waters over the course of many sessions. yet, the nature o coincidence and possibility will make is such that you will at some time see the stillness of the waters and the appearance of the bottom clearly for at least a meaningful moment.

When you feel/recognize this occurrence grope with it and float around it if you can not get back to it, for as long as possible... once again, you may find that the pleasure of floating in close proximity to, yet not within peace, may be an incredibly wonderful "trantric" meditation experience. once you emerge from your meditation, do an active meditation where you note, without as little thought as possible, the difference between this feeling and it's impact upon your awareness. and, as you move further away from the meditation, allow this experience to inform the other aspects of your life, as you revel in the insights provided by plunging into this pool of calm or near calm. This will be your way to recognize the state that you have been attempting to achieve all along. As if wandering in the woods, one comes to a beautiful glen where a wondrous bird with large colored plumage, partakes of all manner of fruits, branches and beauties. You may have stumbled upon it by accident, yet, there is the possibility of return, without marring the landscape, or fearing the inability to return.

groping and harmonizing oneself to achieve this task is meaningful and conducive to ones practice, as the focus is not on having no thought, rather, on patiently and intently calming oneself to become aware of a meaningful moment of balance clarity. ones mind will be the guide.

this meditation can help to focus and at the same time, find meaning and purpose, as well as help diminish your awareness of the passing of time. In fact, this meditation uses our temporal weakness as the focus of the meditation, as well as appealing to our desire for simplicity, as well as helping one to tune into the self as the focus of the meditation.

the possibilities are endless and probably not as unlimited as the realities of the diversity of meditations that have occurred.

Osho once said, that one either meditates all the time, or not at all. there can be no such thing as meditating for a period of time. Life is a meditation. a deep welling up of wisdom, a filling up of consciousness. as we retreat from the petty or the specific or the temporary, we fall back into the overall.

I was experiencing a deep moment of joy and perfection with my children the other night to the extent that I had to ask them if there could possibly be a heaven, when the moment here, on earth was so perfect. my one child, smiling, being flip, easily and casually stated that if this moment were perfection, then his stick of cheese would turn into chocolate and the room would be fragrant as if in the midst of a flower shop. For me, his statement did not detract from the perfection, nor did it add to it, but it did bring up a simple foundational reality. The mind goes on comparing, desiring, wishing, fantasizing, whether that work is serious, flip, subtle or singular, that's what the mind does. So perfection can be all around. perfection is all around, yet, our awareness of and entry into it is held in check by the activity of the mind. And so, meditation, and this particular meditation is a skill building exercise. an exercise in groping for peace and calm, an awareness and receptivity to gauge and experience it, a pulse of ones mental activity and a point of focus that is not drifting, and perhaps in a sense more difficult to dis-entrench once achieved.

the practice evolves, the ideas evolve, the truth roll in like clouds and cool air upon the valley in a diversity matched only by our awareness of it as our minds incompletely mirror the external.

Aint That Stunning...

One of the harsh truths I had to come to terms with at the meditation retreat, was that my stunnahz just weren't that stunning.
As I looked around the room, on the meditation trails, in the lunch hall, I saw several individuals.. in fact, almost all of them had shades that were sexier, slicker, more stylish, elegant, cooler, or just plain better than mine.
mine were wick-wick-whack.
and so, in addition to the burden of attempting to empty my mind of petty thoughts as i plunged in meditation session upon meditation session, i also had to somehow neutralize the inner realization that my shades were whack.
it may sound trivial, or even petty, but it was actually incredibly disconcerting. as disconcerting as anything that could possibly happen in life. I mean, there was a lame wild turkey on the grounds, as well as a family of deer and tons of lizards, and as they looked at me, and we looked at one another in cosmic harmony, I could tell, they were subtly, in their own way, able to perceive a schism between where my shades were at, and where i wanted them to be. if there is any drawback to being in tune and in communion with nature, it's that nature can tell when your program aint together, and so you are constantly reminded.
And all the while, i knew i could have aced this one simple aspect. You see, the beauty of having truly stunning stunnahz at a silent meditation retreat, is that everyone that looks at you, knows your stunnuhz are stunning. they don't have to say anything. so to have whack stunnahz, is to have everyone know, your stunnahz are whack. there's nothing you can do. And once again, since it was a silent retreat, you can offer no explanation. Granted, to have whack stunnahz is an art all it's own, however, if the wear-ee is uncomfortable with that approach at his core, then it's impossible to pull of the whack stunnahz intent/resolutoin. sure, you can fake it, yet, once again, the point of the retreat is to be genuine, so, you can see, this predicament was a check-mate situation.
I was able to come to terms with my predicament, by promising myself to get some "real" stunnahz when i got back.
fortunately, there was a shop that sold real stunnahz next door to my new job.
and as if to re-abrade my wounds and rub salt into them, their stunnahz, which were at least 14.9 times as stunnin as mine, were going for 2 for $10.
next year, if i go back, i won't be caught unawares. I will be the cool one at the lunch hall, strolling on the paths, and kicking back, nonchalant, looking like a million bucks at the dharma talks.

The Whole Universe is Within Your Mind

Talk about a mental representation.
The entire universe is represented within your mind.
That's what young ghetto toughs mean when they say, "Represent!"

It's really just a matter of filling in the details.
It is our destiny to have our minds mirror existence.
as our minds mirror existence, our conciousness becomes the consciousness of existence.

At that point, it makes no difference if you see something "in the world" and that's how it enters your mind, or if you see it first in your mind. As a mirror of existence, the birth of happening occurs in both locations.

Once these details are attended to, you are a full shareholder in the creation of inner and outer reality.

it is generally what is meant by the saying, "see it, believe it, achieve it."

increasingly, your ability to visualize realities, results in realities being manifested.. first within your mind, and then, as your energy is loosened in action, upon the world at large. In this way, true transformation occurs.

After all, the human world and human experience is one of action and interaction, usually based upon some form of communication, whether that be from self to self, or self to others, or world to us, or us to world, that's how it happens.

and so, true transformation occurs when the "keys" to understanding are unlocked, however that may occur, however, it is my belief that the most efficient way to unlock understanding is with a locksmith. I am speaking of one who has trained their mind, and absorbed existence and harmonized their inner world with the outer, such that it mirrors existence. At that point, they can become the literal consciousness of existence, and speak from such a perspective, moving to and fro, there and here, taking on the understanding of the indivdiual they communicate with, clearing the path to their vision and enhancing their understanding, through clarifying their inner experience to also mirror that of existence, thus facilitating a resonate communication with others, such that understanding is "unlocked.

much of our reality is made up of "tools" be they writing implements, transportation devices, items to dig into and impregnate the soil, or to educate, cloth, or provide space for some activity. yet, in the final analysis, the grand playground, the causal factor, is idea, for the most part.

I've heard it said that Yoga is training of the mind. It uses the body, but it is of the mind. Yoga in fact has been said to mean, "a system of exercises for attaining bodily or mental control and well-being". but, i've heard it said that "yoga" can mean also "practice" or "a practice" whatever it may be, that achives harmony, insight and growth through any discipline.

I like to think of the ox herding series as a good representation of any practice of striving to attain. We must first control ourselves. seek that part in us, be it wisdom, control, desire, intent, passion, betterment.. whatever it may be. find it, get hold of it, tame it, refine it, move with it, and then, loosen it, such that it exists, refined, perfected, free, and we are released to become that much more complete through it's every evolving practice.

ox herding can be an analogy for our groping to achive a mirror condition of mind and existence. existence is a representation of our minds, and vice versa.

seeking the ox.

789

Today is 7-8-09... Somewhere, someone has solved the mystery of the world. The world will never be the same. 789 and the realization was 10.

"You Ever Seen the Sistine Chapel?"

"hey man, you ever seen the Sistine chapel?"
it's the last thing i expected a scruffly, disheveled homeless man to ask me. But I came closer, because yes, I had seen the Sistine Chapel. In fact, I had just seen it a week ago, having just returned from a trip to Rome.
I said, "Yeah, I saw the Michaelangelo fresco of God touching man. Imbuing him with his apprehension."
This man smiled at me and said, "It's amazing isn't it?"
I looked around. Is this a coincidence? or did he somehow know? Am I giving it away? I asked him. "I just got back from seeing it. How did you know?"
He said, "I didn't. I was just wondering if you'd seen it."

I was actually on outreach. I work as an outreach worker for the city of San Francisco on the Homeless Death Prevention Team. So I talk to homeless folks for a living. I wasn't going to talk to this guy though. He looked in pretty good shape. He didn't look that old either. But I walked close and he smiled. so I sat down next to him with my back supported by the granite facade of the building while the sun shone in my eyes.

god touching man.

"The significance of Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, isn't god blessing man, but man, becoming/embodying god.. it's only the first wave. it's a transition period. we're still and always will be in transition."

The man said, "Today is the greatest day of your life. Because today, you realize something. Today you realize that you don't live in the world. You live in your body and your body lives in the world. And today you realize that as you understand and contemplate the world, you are contemplating yourself. And today you realize that when your contemplation is one with the world, then you have achieved. With that you can see everything as it is.. and yet, it has completely and totally changed, never to return to the old way. Today you realize that the greatest transformation the world will ever know, has just occurred within your mind and in the world, as the world mirrors your mind. Today the world will become changed and it will be the greatest transformation ever known, and it will ignite a thousand flowers to bloom, and it will never happen again."

when you contemplate the universe and all the things within it.. it's all literally within your mind.. drink it in, draw it in. you have embodied, the largest. the smallest, contemplating the largest. that's how it changes and fills you up and makes you perfect.. when your inner mind, holds the universe it dwells in. when it mirrors completely, then you have realized.. and everything is exactly the same...

the man asked me, "hey man, you ever seen the Sistine chapel?"

I talked to this man and found out his story. It was the story of a boy of a man that was self-made, professional, enlightened, a good and very loving father. and although his father was great. they moved like leaf's to the wind from place to place, location to location learning, teaching, experiencing, loving, sharing, yet tragically in death, this man, had no caretaker for his son.
Now the man though troubled, homeless, stays homeless because he feels the spirit of his father will leave him if he does not follow it around the world as it hearkens. he has incredibly beautiful moments, or has had them.

As I am accustomed to doing in my outreach work. I asked this man if he had any medical conditions. He pulled out a wad of papers from SFGH. He had been discharged the day i returned from Europe. He had been admitted the day I left. He had chf, copd, emphysema and was supposed to pick up an oxygen bottle. he had no place to live, so the equipment company could not deliver it. He was supposed to contact them from the shelter he was referred to. but he did not go to the shelter.

The funny thing was, a co-worker of mine from another outreach team had called me two hours ago, saying that they had placed 9 of their ten slots in a new medically supported section 8 sro. all 4 of their back-up/stand-by clients had passed, not wanting to part with their checks, or being able to commit to trying to be sober. He had another slot, but the eligibility required a major and i mean major medical condition. This guy fit the bill. It was a long shot that I would know someone, seeing as we placed all 5 of our slots and had no one else that was eligible. It was 2pm. They closed at 5, and I had to convince him to take the apartment, sign over his check, get ID, proof of income, and disability and get him to the location all in 3 hours, and all i knew, was that he had been to the Sistine chapel with his son, 42 years ago... before it had even been restored.

this guy's father died when he was 9, but not before he took him all over the world, and shared wonderful relationships, and experiences, finished the 10 year great books course in 3 years on the road, history lessons, memory tricks, yoga, meditation, sweat lodges, wilderness exploration and survival. I was amazed at how much he knew, but he responded, "i don't know that much, i only know how to live".

On one travel, his father took him to the Sistine chapel, and held him up to see the fresco by Michelangelo... it was god touching man.. "my dad told me that he was touching me!"


All i could think was when he saw me he had said, "hey man, you ever been to Sistine chapel?" Miraculously, he had his ID, proof of SSDI income, he was willing to sign over his check. he wanted to get well. I was able to convince himself that maybe if he lived in doors for a few months, got good medical care, got good rest, he would be able to hit the road in a while.. he went for it.

I called my friend, and they held the spot. I was able to get this guy there shortly after 4pm.. almost an hour to spare.

How? because I had seen the Sistine Chapel... I couldn't get it out of my head, and I couldn't stop crying.

Meditating on Meditation...

Meditation.. what does it mean? As millions struggle to clear their minds of spurious uncontrolled thoughts, vicious self-attacks, fears and trauma's, they do so in the knowledge that there has been a promise extended that if they can achieve a proper state of mind.. wisdom, bliss and peace will quickly follow..

As I joined the herd of wild humans to clear my my of thoughts and achieve peace, I turned to an old friend for assistance. My mind. My mind has been a faithful companion. As I struggled to clear it, quiet it, and silence it, I found I had a most perplexing problem.I did not want to clear and silence my mind. My whole life had been an exercise in training my mind to become better able to verbalize and translate the deep uprisings of my consciousness into words. I wanted to silence it, but then again, I didn't.

Listening to the instructors, they kept saying the same things. "Keep returning to the breath." "Watch your breath." "Be patient." "It's OK" "Be forgiving" hmmmm.... What did I take from this? I understood that I was on my own to figure this thing out. I yearned for a bit more instruction. A bit more specificity, a bit more luxurious detail... "Keep coming back to the breath" "get comfortable" "Keep trying". Yes, I and everyone there, were truly on our own. I had no doubt that the teachers there had experienced very deep states of understanding and Meditative proficiency, but what I yearned for, was instruction.

So, I found that If i focused on my breath, arduously, stridently, pedantically, I could eliminate thought from my mind as I drew a breath in.. and, then, I could eliminate thought as I breathed out. and then again, as I breathed in. And yet again, as I breathed out. But it felt as if I was holding a difficult yoga pose. It was depleting, difficult, monotonous, and as suffocating as if I had been holding my breath.

I finally took from this, that the point is not to hold your breath. So I tried a new way that was not suggested by the teachers. Instead of focusing on my breath, I just kept my breathing within my focus. aware of it, watching it gently. As if i was laying peacefully in the grass, in the hills, on a sunny day, after a picnic, listening to the bells of the church ringing in the distance. I cold hear them, but i wasn't focused on them, but they were within my focus as a part of my focus.

I have since found that Sakyamundi's great contribution (besides everything else) was the "watching the breath" technique. I'm sure the teachers took it for granted that everyone knew this, and that's what they meant when they said "focus on the breath". but I, being a babe from the woods, didn't know that, so, as in all things in life, we hear the truth, struggle to make sense of it and then break through.. or not....

I then thought of how when I sleep, I breath. People in comas breath. People who are brain dead breath, and I realized that one error was in "breathing". Breathing was clearly not something I "had" to do. rather is was something my body would do on it's own accord, as long as I was not holding my breath. And so, i allowed my body to breath, as i kept the breathing within my focus. something really wonderful happened. I was free from breathing. and I would be forever freed of breathing. I spoke in ecstatic terms within my mind, "I'm free! I don't have to breath ever again!"

And then I wondered how i could breath, or, how could my body breath, if "I" was not breathing it? Well, it was existence breathing my body. It was existence's body. Just the same as I did not have to beat my heart, I did not have to breath. God, or the original creator was breathing my body, and if i listened, i could listen to god breath my body.. amazing...

i felt a deep warm pleasure in this thought. in truth, it was more than a thought. it was a truth. for do we "breath" or are we "breathed?" unless you're an asthmatic, or have lung issues, or disease, or are a seriously conditioned athlete who pushes your self to the brink of your physical capacity. you generally do not have to struggle for breath. how long humans have struggled to hear the voice of God, and all we had to do was listen to our own breathing, and we can hear the very existence breathing.. which is surely a voice of god. Those of us who are parents, know the beauty and tenderness of listening to our children breath. What a wonderful sound to hear as we ease into their rooms to hear if everything is all right. or before we wake them, or as we pull the covers up over their bodies, or stroke their hair and plant gentle kisses on their cheeks or forehead as they sleep....

I thought to myself (still being in ignorance of the actual technique), "i bet if you look in the scriptures, or wherever meditation and breathing are discussed, they will say, "watch your breath" and not to focus on it. once again. ignorance has been proven to be bliss...

So then, I came up with a visual for the meditation.

Freed from breathing, and from "focusing" on my breath, I imagined myself in a large darkened theater. There were only two in this whole theater. Me and in the row behind me, God, and I listened to his voice.

Then, filling out the meditation. I did not venture deep into my mind to meditate. my breath, kept me on the periphery of my awareness and out of the depth of my mind. To venture deep into the mind is to ask for constant attack from ideas, deep, petty and meaningless.. all ideas, however unimportant exist within your mind, your own voice giving voice to the ideas, each according to the strength of their impulse. So what I did was open my eyes slightly, and then using my eyes, i brought my awareness to the front of my retina, or the "back" of the curtain, here, there are no thoughts, there is only the backs of our eyelids.

When chatter arose within my mind, I pushed it easily along. As part of the theater analogy, I was waiting in anticipation for the "show" to start. I didn't want idle talk, silly digressions to distract me from the "show". The "show" for me were deep insights, deep realizations.. which came fast or slow, and which could then be taken and meditated upon to bring them ever deeper... This is what my meditations consisted of. As we continued to meditate 15 times or more per day over the course of 6 days, my focus got deeper. my realizations deeper, and the ease in which I could hold my focus and push away idle chatter became easier and easier and easier.

Sitting in my theater, watching/listening to god breath, sitting behind my eyes, waiting for the show, pushing away idle chatter... I remembered the teachings of Osho, who spoke of the great Zen Master Bankei, who talked constantly and singularly on the "unborn Buddha mind"

In this state of meditation, I felt that I was in the unborn mind, or my version of it. in this peaceful state, it was not hard to imagine being a baby. "you" are still there, but you are not as polished, knowledgeable or sophisticated, but you are still you. and when you mind is devoid of thought, the difference between you now, and you as a baby, is the tools at your disposal to experience, interact with, communicate, and think about the world.. as well as to articulate your level of consciousness. In this meditation, is was profoundly insightful to empty my mind and throw a simple sound into the empty space. A sound we all know. "ma-ma" to listen to that early classic reverberate, and to remember the emotions that came along with this word, was truly amazing, when contemplated with a meditative, "unborn" mind.

Like a nuclear accelerator, we can take individual thoughts and break them down to simple, profound, peaceful and meditative contemplations.

After one meditation session, I looked on the wall and looked at a picture of the buddha. What did I see? Was the picture blank? Was the buddha somber? no. he was smiling. his head and body were adorned. and around him were all things concerned with existence on Earth. What did this mean? The Buddha did not empty his mind. He filled his consciousness. He filled his consciousness by refusing to admit only base thoughts or distractions. He let in the truth of existence, he let in existence and all truth. His mind was far from empty. it was filled. The smile of the Buddha in his many representations is a vital clue to us all. Love is the reason for existence, and as we struggle, suffer and grope, he smiles at us, not in mockery of our efforts, but in loving kindness and as a clue to how we should view our sufferings and struggles. lightly. suffer lightly, endeavor passionately. grope hard and long and with dilligence, and yes, the buddha will laugh at you as we all laugh at someone who attempts to lift 10 times what they can carry and attempts over and over and over again. We suffer because the nature of man is to suffer until they are enlightened of the burden of suffering, through truth.

Earlier, before contemplating the nature of he Buddha's representation, I looked at sakyamundi on the alter. There is a hand position that is shown in some representations of the Buddha. but as i looked at this particular carving, in it i didn't see a hand signal a smiling face which was laughing while at the same time saying "OOOOOOOMMMMMMM". i had to wonder if that was the meaning of the hand position.. well, surely that's the meaning it held for me. So in these two representations of the buddha, in all representations of the Buddha we are given a vital, vital clue. be light. laugh, grope, and when you grope hard and do not profit, don't be cruel to yourself for your failures. laugh at your failures, reach for bliss and continue to focus and prosper!

Anyway, enough of truth. back to my struggles... Another issue I faced was after 30 minutes of meditation, I began to grow restless and look at my watch. The first 30 minutes went quickly, the last 10 minutes was like an hour. I imagined that as i grew more effective in my meditations, I could see how this last 10-13 minutes of a 45 minute meditation could become the most productive time.. and that I may begin meditating for an hour or 90 minutes at a time to maximize this time dilation aspect.. if indeed it would persist. What I did to combat this problem, was when I began to grow restless, i would superimpose another meditation upon the theater meditation. I would hold the theater meditation while holding a second meditation of being on a cruise ship, sailing into port. As we glided alongside the piers, throngs of people would line the way cheering and waving. For me, I enjoyed coming into port, but, i did not know which pier we were going to sail into.. but it was OK, because I knew it would not be much longer.. and so, i was put into a position of savoring the last moments, instead of being held in a purgatory.

This was quite effective, but by the end of the 6 days, I began to use a new, simpler meditation for the end. I never reached dread because what I substituted cruise ship meditation for a simple idea, which was, the joy of being surprised and caught unawares of when the bell would ring to signal the end. The excitement and surprise of the bell was more than rewarding. and so, i was able to abandon the cumbersome cruise ship meditation.

Also, the theater analogy softened. Instead of being in a theater, i was simple watching my breath (not "focused" on it) and not allowing my consciousness to rise into the deep part of my mind. Later still, I didn't have to "hold" my consciousness down. i found that the comfort of the space behind my eyes, or in the non-thinking part of my brain became so comfortable as to create a niche or groove that i naturally found rest in..

All of this and the naturalness of the evolution also reminded me of the wonders of the mind. just as in driving a car, at first the number of things we have to do seem overwhelming, soon, the mind learns to "automate" these tasks, so that little of our conscious energy is used to "focus" on the actual task of driving. Meditation is one of these things. with practice and experimentation, we can slowly discover what "works" for us, and from these initial comfortable positions, we can then deepen our living space, and create real "homes" to reside in. And once we have these homes, we can explore the other realms of our minds, challenging ourselves by moving into the busiest parts of our minds and with our consciousness and awareness, bringing peace and calm. In this sense, our minds can become our world, and as we move into our world's and our bodies, we are our own savior, bringing peace, harmony and enlightenment across the lands of our inner space.

Like in our lives, in meditation we are all left to figure this stuff out on our own. It helps to not try to do everything, at first. we can give ourselves training wheels. simple meditations, meditations that help to train our mind for ever expanding challenges as we approximate textbook "meditation" and from this base, we can then venture ever deeper into deeper and deeper fields of meditation.

The way can be taught, or given, if we can provide the time, the space, and seek instruction, but regardless... we must all grope and till and sow to reap.
Let me say this again, because this is of ultimate importance. The act of groping, is perhaps the most important thing that humans do, or have ever done. All fruits, have been born, of groping. Even lightening realizations, have sprung forth from groping either on a conscious, or unconscious level... this is the thing we all need to know as we struggle. that it's OK to struggle, and that struggling is perhaps the most noble fruit, because one day, the seed of that fruit will find itself in a situation to find earth, germinate and spring forth.

When One Becomes Two and Two Becomes One.

Anytime you receive a gift, you always receive two gifts.
One, is the gift that you received,
The second is the realization that you received a gift.
For you must realize you received a gift, for it to be a "gift".
In reality, everything is a gift.
Are you able to see it?
Can you see How it is a gift, for you?
Can you see Why it is so obviously a complete and total gift?
All the time, all we get are gifts...
Favored and blessed are those that recognize it,
For they go on and on and on receiving pairs of gifts, over and over and over...

And when the two gifts become one, then you have received the largest gift of all...
The self.
The self is always in the now, and the self is the one gift that releases all others.
Then everything is a gift.
Surely as every moment of your life is a precious gift
And surely every thing you see, and hear, and touch, and think...
It is the one gift that is only given and only received... continually, endlessly...
And it is One because you realize it is all the same.. that there is only one gift.. that all is part of that gift..

If you start with Love and out of Love make Creation.. then there's no need for a conspiracy of meaning and coincidence.. because the whole thing is a conspiracy... the only question is.. can you see it?.. do you see how it is all connected?...

When you see all the connections from a larger perspective..
All you see, is the one gift..

London-Paris-Rome

London was so chill. I never expected it to be like this. I thought it would be more new yorkish.. and the subway and surface traffic feels very east village or houston or greenwich village-ish, but there's not the "blam-pow" of midtown, or even the upper east or westside, or even midtown, or even harlem.. just very chill. i found it to be very relaxing... i never expected it to be this way. the whole monarchy thing is so much a part of their history. big ben, london bridge, trafalgar square, picadilly circus, the war memorial museum, the V&A, museum of natural history, buckingham palace, parliament, hyde park, the marble arch, the thames, milennial wheel, heathrow...

Paris was everything I expected. very grand, very large scale, posh, chic, elegant, cultured, sophisticated, urbane... it looked much smaller on the map, kind of like Philadelphia, but more dense.. i heard it was the most densely populated city in the world. it was also deceptively large in that you felt that things were very close, but the next thing, you would be walking for half an hour and nowhere near your goal... either that, or you were so damn close, you couldn't believe it... ok, we went to the eiffel tower. the louvre was like walking into the pearly gates. couldn't believe the majesty, the beauty. it was disneyland for the highest and most discerning intellect and artistic soul. couldn't get enough of it. truly majestic. the eifel tower, the louvre, ste, chappelle, notre dame, chatelet les halles, gare de lyon, euro-disney, the seine, the champes el'lyssee, the thinker, the mona lisa, cupid & psyche,. venus de milo, arch de triumphe, the bastille...

Rome, it was much smaller than i thought it would be. very homey. chill, warm, relaxed, urban, and they really take everything, the history etc, in stride. amazing. so many scooters rushing about, they really have a high bar in terms of fashion, culture, art, inspiration.. the colosseum, st. peter's basilica, the vatican, the sistine chapel, the spanish steps, the pantheon, the catacombs, the appian way, the forum, palantine hill, gelato, the arch of titus...