Friday, August 28, 2009

The Old Testament & The New Testament


Today I had the opportunity to talk to a sister who reads the bible daily both old testament and new.
She said some interesting things when I asked what she got out of the old testament.

"The old testament is about a vengeful God. He created man to be loved and obeyed, but man was not capable of doing that. So he became a vengeful God. He realized that man was not capable of living up to his expectations especially with the devil left to do his thing. So that's where Jesus came in. Jesus represented a chance. It was God giving man a way out. Knowing he could not follow his will, he gave us Jesus, for if we could accept him, as a man, then man could find salvation."
"Jesus was perfect, but a man, but perfect as the son of God. The thing he did that no other human could do, was follow God's will. he lived in God and followed God. he knew that he was going to die and be on the cross and three times (in the book of John), when he's in the garden, he tells God he doesn't want to go through with the plan."
"There are so many messages in this. God's son was forsaken, tried, convicted, beaten and crucified. So there is no one who suffers, no one who is lowly or forlorn or forsaken, where God does not love or see. How can anyone suffer and feel that they are forsaken, when God's own son and our savior suffered as much as any being?"

This last point resonated with me, having read Uncle Tom's Cabin. Harriet Beecher Stowe makes a clear reference to God in the person of Uncle Tom. his ruthless beating, his refusal to "repent" for that which is against his principles, and the acceptance of his fate and forgiveness of his persecutors, even the conversion of his persecutors from the power of witnessing his quiet suffering and the power of his faith.

My experience with reading the old testament has been pretty disappointing. Yes, there are some good passages, and it's an interesting history, but I have found it generally to be devoid of much religion. It is more, in my mind a cultural document and an interesting living history of the evolution of religious ideas and the reinterpretation of mythology as religion.

It's beautiful to hear personal stories of faith, just as it is beautiful to hear personal stories of any human experience.

For me, Christianity is much like the moon. This huge undeniable, indelible image and reality within our lives that forever remains as a enigma, except for those fleeting moments when either by faith, or transcendence, the truth and beauty shines through.

One day, I will come to love and accept Christ fully. Not Jesus Christ. Not the Catholic Christ, but the Christ of Slave Row. The Christ of the lowly and forlorn. The Christ of Faith and Salvation. The Christ of the meek, of the last. The Christ of God.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Irony of Uncle Tom.


Boy, Uncle Tom's Cabin has really gotten a bad rap.

Many Black folks cringe when the subject is brought up.
Not to say that Black folks are so literary, whether they hail from the Ivy league or the ghetto, that their taste for fiction has lead to a unanimity in distaste for the 19th century work.
Far from that. The main ingredient in their taste is the name of the book and it's connotation to kow-towing Blacks.

I can speak personally about that same feeling for it resided within me.
I've always been hesitant about the book.
As an analogy, it's as if I had never tasted honey and for the first time, I stood by a beehive in a net mask, as angry bees buzzed and attempted to sting and kill me, as a tender pulled honeycomb from deep within the bowls of the insects lair and then implored me to taste the golden sap of the bees vomitus.
Well, taste I have, and I love it.
Harriet Beecher Stowe's book is much the same.
What on the surface may appear, sound like and feel racist, is but the most sweet delicacy of thought and exposition.

I never really understood the role of Uncle Tom's Cabin on the history of the United States.
It was always included in discussions of abolitionist movements, and as a seminal piece, but the impression formed within my mind was that this novel was blaxploitation, and that it's success was, rooted in the same vein as minstrel shows, stepin fetchit, hattie mcdaniel, bill bojangles robinson and a host of other negative depictions of Blacks.
Seeing drawings from the book, or posters, they were all in a manner of Black supplication to Whites.
Uncle Tom is often pictured with a young white girl, much the same as "Uncle Remus"
And there you have it. The old, aged, supplicating, Black slave, and the golden, beautiful flower of humanity, White girl.
There is much more to the relationship, but just as a picture tells a thousand words, the words of love and love of Christ were not words told in that picture.

The folks who have damned Uncle Tom, could have chosen another character to hold forth as a champion of the novel. They could have chosen Eliza's husband George.
Light skinned from several generations of plantation rape and sexual exploitation of Black women,
George was proud, held himself in a princely manner, was intelligent, industrious, proud and willing to fight to the death in order to achieve his freedom. A man who once he got his freedom, he relocated to France with his family and earned a College education. Then returned to America with his family before heading off to Liberia to take part in the great experiment of creating a free, new and world recognized nation and home to a new generation of Black power and self-sufficiency. This man was a production of Harriet Beecher Stowe's immense faculties, and he was a model for the future coming of Frederick Douglas, W.E.B. DuBois, A. Philip Randolph, Marcus Garvey, Paul Robeson, Robert F. Williams, E.D. Nixon, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King and Huey Newton.

And yet in this, many Blacks could find fault. For his light skin would be seen as a commentary on his intelligence and worth, despite the fact that George himself states his own wish that he were "two shades darker, rather than another shade lighter". A man who was Black, suffered as a Black and was proud and loving of his Blackness. Yet in this character, Stowe did not use him to comment on in-race hierarchies. He was a man, complete and whole and an undeniable product of years of the parallel track of sexual bondage and sex trade of Black women that sat squarely and equally protected within the evils of Slavery itself. how many Blacks in the south, after 200 years of rape and sexual exploitation, did not have White blood? Was there not much debate about the "percentage" of blood that made one Black? 1/32nd Black was "Black" that's if you had a single Black great-great-great-great-grandfather... And bottom line, if your mother was "Black" it made no difference, you were a slave. Surely there were probably many children that were so white in appearance, that it would have been "unconscionable" to place them in the field among those that look obviously Black. but such occasions were rare. There are more than a handful of U.S. Presidents that have had offspring with Black mothers and it is alleged that 5 U.S. Presidents (not counting Barack Obama) were African Americans.

And so race, is the history of the United States.

I assumed that the books popularity and oblique role in abolitionism was in perhaps the anger and rage it caused within abolitionist.
I didn't understand it fully.

My curiosity has been in this way pricked and sedated over the years.
I was ok with the book, and it's legacy being so closely identified with the black struggles and sufferings during slavery.
None of us had any choice in it's history.

But reading Frederick Douglas' "My Bondage, My Freedom" he spoke in a neutral tone about Uncle Tom's Cabin." He may have praised it a bit. He did not shrink from it, nor feel offended by it. The subject matter was distasteful, but it seemed more from the subject matter itself, rather than the perspective or wounds inflicted by the piece.

And so, If Frederick Douglas, as intelligent, acute of mind, a former slave, and leader of the Black abolitionist movement, was fine with Uncle Tom's cabin, then what right have any present day Blacks to object? In fact, it would seem that the proper course would be to read the book.

And read it I did.

could a more beautiful book be written?
In the world there are in truth, two kinds of books.
Truth and Fiction.
In my experience the most powerful Truth has come from those who have survived incredible situations, such as memoirs from Treblinka, Sudan, slave narratives, shipwrecks, natural disasters, people against the odds who miraculously survived. In these stories, the only thing to be done, is to tell the tale. circumstance provides all the drama. The experience is the setting. The task, is to survive. These stories are the most powerful. Not the dramatized.

"Uncle Tom's Cabin" captures the power of such truth and tells a story built upon innumerable stores of Truth, reinterpreted and woven together, by Harriet Beecher Stowe. Her intent, her history, her family, the time, the circumstance, the reception and it's importance all play but minor roles to the overwhelming beauty and skillfulness of the prose.

All of which adds up to the inescapable conclusion that to call someone an "Uncle Tom" is so completely backwards and misbegotten to the Truth of Uncle Tom.

Even the Title, "Uncle Tom's Cabin" is a reference to a line by George Shelby, a soon to be ex-slave owner, who frees his slaves, and allows them to work for wages, free from the capriciousness of death and re-sale. He tells them to look upon the cabin of Uncle Tom and let it forever be a memorial to the man, his beauty, his immense love and faith, as well as the preciousness of freedom.

All of this must be contrasted with the reality that today, to be called an Uncle Tom is to be called less than a man..
in reality, Uncle Tom was Christ-like.
He endured his fate like Christ.
refusing to do wrong. refusing to hate, refusing to betray trust and loyalty. shielding others, being selfless, and always in the bountiful grace of his lord and savior.

Uncle Tom is surely one of the most beautiful, moral and meek martyrs there ever was or could be.
He in fact gave his life and was beaten to death for not divulging the whereabouts of two female runaway slaves.
He even told his "Masser Legree" that he knew where they were, but the regardless of what happened, he could not, would not ever betray them. and for this he was beaten to death. and with his dying breath, he forgave his attackers and prayed to God for their salvation.

And now we call "Uncle Tom's" the guys who have the exact opposite of the qualities of the original.

And Harriet Beecher Stowe, hastened the end of slavery and struck one of the mightiest, if not the mightiest blow against the entire system of slavery. A staunch abolitionist, daughter of a preacher, sister of a preacher, from a family of abolitionist. she did everything she could to lay the thing bare.

This book was the second best selling book in the United State in the 19th Century, right behind the bible. You'd be hard pressed to find any book, by any author, written at any time that was more respectful, more praising of Blacks, more condemning of slavery than Uncle Tom's Cabin.

it is truly an irony, that as we've matured in the battle against discrimination, we have trampled this holy book underfoot, and declared it a racist artifact, despite it's power, it's beauty, it's intention and the vast work that it achieved in the struggle for freedom.

And if there could be any doubt in the minds of any as to the motivation, intent, truth, morality and ethics of the author, then they should forsake the reading of the book, and read chapter forty-five (45) the last chapter. There, plain and simple, is where the truth lay for all those who have any desire to know of it, and once having read it, there should be no need for speculation, interpretation, analysis, debate or deconstruction.

An Immense Struggle. Seeking the Ox.



not to make it sound like I've got the shit signed, sealed and delivered, 'cause i surely don't.
life is an immense struggle. doing new things is trying, taxing and hard.
to be consistent, is at times, the utmost difficulty.
when you're doing wrong. you measure your successes, not by how many times you've failed, but how many times you've succeeded.
when you're doing right. you can still measure the distance from where you need to go, by how many times you have failed, despite your successes.

diligence, equanimity.

If I had to honestly appraise my spiritual development in terms of the ten ox herding series. I'd be very, very generous to say that I'm somewhere between #4 (getting hold of the ox) & #5 (taming the ox).

the fires of emotion, frustration and self harshness are quieting, but still beckoning, breaking lose, causing damage and set backs. Not tamed in the least. but calming. Still a wild stallion, capable of calming in the presence of the one that can break him, but at times wild and certainly not amenable to the will of others, or the way. A wild animal that for a moment is calm, is not to be mistaken for a wild animal that has been broken and tamed.

the degree to which we fall short of our goals, are always measured in miles, unless we are consistently making progress. missing left and right. all over the place. not missing out of ignorance, but missing in knowledge.

am i the person i want to be?
I am the person i want to be, surely. decidedly, but my view of the path ahead, is so clear and so far beyond where i find myself.
do the thing man!
go where you can see.
follow the path.
when you get blocked or can not find it, then you can dilly dally in earnestness...
am i getting closer?
yes, I'm getting closer.

but, there is a slight anxiety that i may run out of time before i get a chance to do what i know I'm capable of.
and to be struck down at this point, would be very disheartening. not because i didn't have time, but because of how much bullshitting and lack of will and consistency, I've displayed.
i could surely do much better.

there are many disappointments on this trail of tears.

and many beautiful weigh stations where it looks so beautiful.

but make no mistake, this is an immense struggle. there are many miles to go. errors all about and i participate freely in the conspiracy to dissuade myself from the path to glory.

this is an immense struggle
this is an immense struggle
this is an immense struggle

life is a trail of tears. tears of sorry, and tears for beauty.

Be kind to yourself, even when the only thing you are guilty of, is falling short of that which only you knew you were capable of.
Don't beat and drive yourself like an eqyptian slave in the mud pits.
Treat yourself as you would a babe on the knee of the most loving, patient and kind grandmother.

Why? Because the same part of yourself that was urging you to fall below your grace,
is the same part of yourself that now wants to punish you with scorn and shame.

And the part of yourself that is most at home fulfilling your potential, must wait as this one part of yourself, puts you through endless cycles of temptation, desire, humiliation, scorn, shame and indignity.

This part that does these things is known as "ego"
It is the part we want to train and tame and bring upon the path.
It is the Ox that we seek,
It is the Ox that we want to allow to roam free, with right intent and love.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Losing Breath


I finally found where my breath originates.

In watching breath meditation, as a beginner, it was hard to watch my breath, without also controlling my breath.
It was always a little bit frustrating, seeing as all day, when i wasn't meditating, rarely did i think of breathing or even become very much aware of it.
Yet, when I did meditate and become aware of it, it almost burdened my mind.
not really though. Meditation proceeded and benefits were gained. Immense benefits.

but the other day, i focused on losing my breath, while watching it to see where it went. and i found it!
Breath, begins in the low belly. the diaphragm, like an undulating jellyfish, expands, as if pulled from outside and contracts.

Whereas in my meditation, my breathing would move to my upper body and upper chest, i found that my true breath, my natural, unthinking breath, originated in my belly. and while it was in my belly, it was effortless and found it's own rhythm. In fact, it was hard to control this breath, as long as it remained in my belly.

it made me think, breath, is the blooming and closing of the god-flower within our belly.

Next, I did the same thing to lose my eyes and relax and "lose" the awareness and muscle control of my eyes. having located the breath, i found my eyes and quickly lost them.

meditation is now so much more beautiful. so free, so much more relaxing.
So much easier to settle into myself quicker and more deeply and blissfully.

i look forward to becoming ever more at home and peaceful in this new found position.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

There is Only One Moment



Woke up last night kind of tripping on how fast the days and weeks were flying by.
It was the middle of the night, and in that clarity, I saw that there is only one moment.
No seconds, Hours, Days, Weeks, Years.
Only a single moment where we live our lives.
A single moment where everything we do, is done.
And so we can change the clothes of these moments and feel that we have ordered them as if they were newspapers.
but newspapers are newspapers, whereas the moment we live in, is ever new, always alive, never burdened with the past, nor concerned with the future.

and what can we know in life, if we do not know this moment?
everything we do and experience, is truly, first and foremost, this moment.
is there anything we think, anything we do, anything we feel, which is not, in reality, attributable to this moment, and not to whatever it is we thought it was other than the moment?

Is not intimacy, all intimacy, merely and truthfully, intimacy with the moment?
we use surrogates, people, experiences, but in truth, intimacy is primarily with the moment as well as the individual.

there is nothing we think, or can think, or have thought, or will thought, which is not in truth pretzel'd around this moment.

would it not be to miss, to go though life, never having known this moment?
this same moment, which is our constant companion and the "God" of our creation?

the moment is our umbilical cord with God, ourselves, others, earth, breath, love, desire and karma.

we can come to know this most beautiful of breezes, of flowers, far more intimately than we do at present.
there are many ways to come to know this moment.
this one moment.