Had a conversation with dear old mom. She's an incredible woman. I forget that she's so deep. Anywhere I go, she's already there and has plans, notes and ideas sketched on the walls and floors (if there are walls and floors).
We were talking about the vastness of space.
She has a theory that the actual shape of the universe is like a strand of DNA. except it coils around and around and around forever.. each bit that composes a part of this chain is infinite in itself, and yet, linked together with all of the other infinite bits.. and it all forms a giant endless circle.
it's certainly an idea that's hard to get your mind around.
and so, the idea came up, of what does this all mean? when we stare into the vastness of the endless heavens that we can not penetrate even a little bit, in the course of a lifetime?
It must mean that all that can be known. all that can be contemplated, all that can be meaningful, must reside within the completeness of the self. it must.
but, what is the self? for the greatest mystery is not life itself, but the life of the individual, and the fact that the individual is distinct, separate and in existence and "me".
how did "I" not only become "I", but get in "here"? so conscious, so self aware, (and at times, so presumptuously essential and normalized of my selfness as to not even consider that it is worthy of deep consideration?)
The self. That is not only the most impossible thing. Easier ideas are the thought of existence, endless.. endlessly vast.. even of life. for it is here, and not "us". So these ideas, along with all others seem like concepts that are not particularly hard to grasp in comparison with the idea of the existence of an individual, personal entity which contemplates not only all of the above, but itself.. and is "me"
Many a night I have awoken. stark, tight, confused and perplexed about how this thing came into being, and how i not only got sucked into it, but how i got created and sucked into it. It has never (save a few moments of profoundly peaceful understanding), made sense why there was "something" instead of "nothing". nothing, seems so much simpler. So it seems, just as is key to all dualities, that this must be essentially "nothing".
It seems that perhaps time is the conduit from which nothing becomes something, while remaining nothing, for in truth, on the smallest level, the smallest fraction of time, exists a real infinity of impossibly smaller fragments of time, which are infinitely divisible, such that, at any given "time" there may in fact be nothing, yet, as the tape runs forward, the illusion is fulfilled to the capacity of our awareness (which it necessarily must be).
Yes, existence, of self is the ultimate riddle, which has lead me to the belief that enlightenment is not so much a realization of truth, as it is, an acceptance of it. for the truth, is not escapable. however, it can be unrealized, and ultimately, the understanding of, acceptance of and ability to penetrate fully, completely and with no further questions, the answer to why there is a "you", how "you" got in "you", and the fact that you are "here, now".
that is enlightenment. for, there is nothing more basic, more essential, or to be considered before or after this. and if this idea can be understood, accepted, beyond further questioning.. there is the idea of a different kind of life.
for not, on the most basic and essential of levels, are learned and contemplative individuals, not concerned with liberty and freedom?
and how can one be free, if one does not know the answer to the most essential question thus being freed, moment to moment, to live in accord with it? thankfully, even without this level of acceptance, there are more than enough clues, as exemplified by the simple notion of self-perpetuation, as to how we can live in accord with a truth, we perhaps may never fully as a race, realize, and accept, or even have the capacity to understand.
you see. man may come to know many things, but all of the things we know, have one important thing in common with the answer to how we got inside ourselves, and that is, that knowledge and ourselves is contained within "us".
It is not my contention that there is no external reality, nor is it my contention that an essential narcissism is the foundation to all philosophical truth, rather, whatever there is that exist external to the self consciousness, is understood, contemplated and acted upon by the self...
the self is the throne, the very seat of god/consciousness, for once again, our understanding of god, is either through the self, or through merger with godliness. In my mind, that is the riddle of Jesus who states that as the self, he is the be all end all. not that he is the only one. but the only one as you are. and so, in "me" is found redemption and truth.
that's just one theory of enlightenment.
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