Having Kids...

I had to escort this young lady from the release section of the jail to the cab awaiting out in front of the clock tower. I waited in the room usually reserved for inmates being processed for release. She finally came through and signed for her money, her raggedy-ass, knock off designer bag, fake gold chain and fake gold earrings. then, the deputy buzzed us through the final exit point to fresh air and sunshine.

When this young lady, "Mary" came through, she remembered me from the time I saw her a few weeks back to evaluate her state of mind and she was out of it. Alert and Oriented, able to answer questions, she knew the date, who she was, where she was, why she was but she was weird, tweaked out, brain damaged and gave the impression of someone that was floating above and inconvenienced by having to listen to, and answer questions emanating from earth bound beings. In essence, she "passed" the test of grave disability. During the course of the interview, she kept standing and grabbing her chest and breathing deeply. The young worker with me asked her if she needed to see a doctor. I can see why he said it, but it was clear that her movements were an after-effect of Intravenous crystal meth. When I asked her what she did for a living, candidly and without pretense, she stated that she was a prostitute. I almost felt like the only reason I asked the question was to see if she was going to lie. And when she answered, it was seemingly with the same awareness that it was a "test" of honesty. When I asked her if she used condoms, she said, "Sometimes". Then I suggested that she call her mother from the office phone, which is something I rarely do, however, seeing as she was a native Espanol speaker, and her English wasn't that great, I wanted to see how she communicated in her native tongue. Even though I only understand about 10% of 1st grade level Spanish, I can tell a normal conversation in any language, by the clarity, fluidity, inflection, pronunciation, manner of thought and contemplation, as well as non-language factors of affect, pace, tone, etc. She sounded much clearer on the phone. From what I was able to make out, her mother asked her how she was doing, she talked about God, she asked about her kids and some other people. She did not hesitate, stutter, get emotional, argue, etc. As I suspected, (and the other workers hadn't factored into their assessments) she presented much better in a language she had an understanding of.

After seeing her, I requested that the psychiatrist increase her medications. Why? Well, two days previous to the days interview,, the young worker and a skilled worker saw the inmate and reported that that she was laughing inappropriately, non-responsive and talking to herself. My explanation for the discrepancy between her behavior two days ago and the day I saw her had 4 factors. 1. She was in court when she was doing worse. Court is a high stress situation and even normal people sound like babbling idiots when they get in front of a judge. 2. The worker that observed her in court, has a tendency to, well, not over-estimate the mental health symptoms, rather, to over-estimate the response needed to deal with it. 3. The worker that interviewed the client at the jail two days ago, is inexperienced, so his ability to provide firm boundaries and structure to the interview, is definitely nascent, thus, the inmate showed many more psychotic symptoms, and was less well directed to demonstrate her highest possible level of functioning. 4. The medications that she was taking were minimally effective, yet effective enough such that "Mary" was having a "good" day, they were sufficient, but not sufficient enough if she was having a bad day. So I asked the doctor to increase her meds, so that we could increase the number of "good" days and possibly reveal a higher baseline.

Now, as we were buzzed through the small antechamber to the final stop before her release, she was looking at me and laughing, while also putting the pieces together about what was happening, why I was there, and where she was going. By the time we got her possessions and were walking out to the cab she understood everything that was going on. I asked her a few questions about if she wanted treatment, if she would stay for the entire stay, if she was interested in getting her kids back, if she could stay with her family when she finished treatment, and her answers were leaning towards socially appropriate responses in all phases. I was not convinced that she was now on her way to a happy, healthy, and successful life. But, the fact is, whether junkie-whore, or ceo, we can only live life one moment at a time.

Everything that has been said about this young lady has so far been inconsequential to what I found "special" about her, for this young lady, at the tender age of 24, had 5 babies in foster care. This brings me to the point of this discussion. Humans seeming ability to care for children, has nothing to do with whether they can actually have them. I used to marvel at how many dope fiends, whores and addicts were able to seemingly have baby after baby, yet, now that I see the large number of doped out whores, I have seen with my own eyes, that anecdotally, it's a relatively small percentage of junkie-whores that remain viable for pregnancy. The vast majority can not have children. The ones that do, tend to be very young, and their fertility is facilitated by stints in Jail and prison whereby the petite sentences serve as a respite from the drugs, disease, lack of nutrition and stress that normally would keep these cadre of doped out whores from being able to get pregnant. It's my guess that a large percentage of the ones that can get pregnant, get pregnant within 30 days of release from jail.

In "nature" certain events prevent human females from getting pregnant. 1. Lack of nutrition (if you don't get a period, it severely decreases the chance of pregnancy) 2. Most women can not get pregnant while breast feeding 3. In nature, most males will not mate with females that are near death, or appear to be so. Generally, it is seen as a sexual turn-off, however, when the so-called "man" is just as blitzed and zombie-like in appearance, the mitigating factors (apparently) are not substantial enough to stem the tide of semen receiving opportunities. 4. A doped out, near-death, sickened, mentally ill female, usually is incapable of caring sufficiently for her offspring, and thus, in many cases, the infant will perish. Any tribesman or woman, knowing that this offspring is from such a diseased, pathetic female, would more than likely allow the child to perish, especially if that female is struggling to provide for her own children. No doubt, if this sickened female had given birth to, and killed more than a few children, social taboos would probably dictate that she be killed, or in the least, ostracized from the general group. As you can see, currently sociological factors have resulted in society rushing in to support, nurture and even encourage the junkie-whore to have wave after wave, and litter after litter of offspring that neither she, the biological father, nor society wants, or needs.

And so, this is not to pass a value judgement upon junkie-whores. Sure I could call them "substance addicted individuals engaged in illicit sexual transactions" but it means exactly the same thing. I'm sure all of these value neutral terms are not being used in the tenement, low-rent, rent by the hour fleabag copulation rooms, back alleys, car seats and open fields where said whores are being inseminated. I'll admit, I have a certain amount of disdain for the overall trend and phenomenon of brain dead males and females "having kids", but amazingly, when I'm talking to the junkie whore face to face, I really do care, I am compassionate, empathetic, caring, polite, helpful, friendly... and it's not hard at all to be. I am a human, and so are they. If I had to deal with this individual more than the few system contacts that I am well compensated for, then perhaps I would be robbed of my ability to focus on the singular purpose of the sparse interactions, but, such is not the case.

In any event, "having kids" in the year 2008, is a very strange process that has seemingly lead to some rather preposterous outcomes.

Today, the women that would be the good mothers, are waiting longer and longer to have children, and increasingly, waiting until they are no longer viable, or, until their viability as mothers has diminished substantially. At the same time, these women look at other responsible mothers who have taken the plunge, and exalted them, as if they were saints and goddesses. The thing about it is, that having life, is a continuation of something that was going on long before we were created, and will go on long after we are gone, in some form, in some way, somewhere, and if not, the struggle to assemble viable life, as it was created on this planet 3.5 billion years ago, will continually wrestle to find embodiment.

The point is, that for the individual, non-junkie-whore, or junkie-john/sex addict, to make the leap to being a responsible parent, only requires that one be responsible, and get pregnant, for everything that follows, will happen as a matter of course, as necessity, love and responsibility dictate. It's truly, not a big deal, and at the same time, the biggest deal possible to humans, in that it embodies, our entire existence. If and when, if ever human life is extinguish, all of the life, that has previously passed in the shadows of time, will be meaningless, unless and until such time, if ever, another life-form comes along and digging through the terrestrial layers of earth, fragments of our culture and existence are unearthed. Then, and only then, will we be, in a vague, oblique manner, significant, or meaningful again. Barring that, life on Earth now, for all it's wonders and glory, is still nothing more than a waiting game for some meaning, or purpose that can serve as an explanation, for the seeming progressive refinement (in some sense) of humanity.

For me, it can not be argued that evolution, not only has survival as a point of reference, but there seems to be, something that we are evolving towards. In all of the randomness and entropy, the complexity of dna based organisms runs afoul of any attempt to justify blind evolution as the sole cause. As has been said, the wave particle dilemma isn't so much of a "real" dilemma for the wave/particle, rather, only for us. Clearly, the world does not need us to understand it, in order to exist or persist, however, the lesson is clear. The structure, and meaning, of even inanimate "stuff" represents a complexity far beyond comprehension, and yet, comprehension, is ever able to come to grips with the understanding of this structure, leading me to believe, that a possible culmination of life is to be the life based expression, of existence.

You see, it is my contention that in declaring man as God, upon the establishment of the Christian faith was far too premature, yet, a prognostication, for if we are able one day to voice, discuss, explain, predict, and comprehend existence in it's full complexity, then we will have "evolved" to the point of being a (as mentioned above) a life-based representation of not only that which is living, but that which is not. At this point, our ability to create technologies capable of utilizing our creativity and knowledge of the universe, will result in possibilities that will literally turn reality upon it's ear. It will not be too much to assume, that at that point, the ability to create, new forms of reality will not be beyond our capability, but this can only happen, if we can persist and survive and move along this course of seeming purposeful, ordered, "striving-towards" evolution.

All of this is to say, that one of the problems we must deal with, is not only the junkie-whore, but finding and creating purposeful life for every human, regardless of whether they are addicted to drugs, or have sex for money, or not. For life, and how it is lived, and the choices we make about life, will determine, whether or not we can, or will exist in the future. And so, as I walk this junkie-whore out to the cab, waiting to take her to her mental health/substance abuse program, I have no idea if she will get pregnant again, or have more kids, but I do know, that if she does have a kid, someone, will be obligated to take care of it. And every kid she has, or anyone else has, takes a little bit more, and a little bit more, out of life.

It's plain to see that the best way to reduce our "carbon footprint" and pressure upon this Earth, is to have less children. And the best way to increase the quality of life, is to plow more resources into taking care of those children that are born, in the beginning of of their lives. And the best way to increase our chances as a species, is to educate those children in such a way, that they understand all that they need to know, to pass on the wisdom they've learned, to the next generation.

And I thought all of this, in the time it took her to get her knock-off handbag, fake gold chain and earrings, and get into the van, and pull off into the distance.